On Hearing that My Good Friend Tried to Take Her Life, 28 Years to the Month After My Brother Billy Did Take His

I think I’d just prefer 

that everyone quit trying to die for my sins.

I don’t want anyone to die—

        not my brother Billy; not John Lennon;

not even Jesus.

It always ends up that I feel 

guilty and sick and alone

trying to atone for their sacrifice;

desperately trying to figure out where to put the knife

to return enough of their blood

and still leave me enough to carry on

and live.

No, I feel no need for your sacrifice.

If you feel still you must,

        make it to yourself;

        make it to God;

        make it TO THE MOON

—but not to me.

For I am done with swearing.

About Chloe Wagner:

Chloe Wagner is a Quaker and a librarian-wanna-be residing in the Kansas City, MO area. She has been featured on the PoetryBlitz! CD and published in Thorny Locust, Prism Magazine, and The Corner Anthology.